Hello again WordPress, my old friend. It’s been some time since I updated. There was really nothing that set me off ranting, and sometime last month I decided to stop being so angry all the time. It’s much more relaxing.
I’m also thinking of picking up yoga again, it’s also relaxing for body and mind. I’m mildly afraid that I’ll just become some sort of shut in soon, more so than usual. I’m not sure I mind, really. I guess I should. It’s hard to be a shut in and start training for half marathons though, which is another interest I’ve recently delved into.
We’ll see, I suppose.
Is this another one of those posts about asexuals? YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT, IT IS. What is my blog for if not about how badly I perceive being treated over trivial matters.
So let’s say you do have some feelings develop for a person, now what do you do? Do you tell this person? Sure, why not. Wait… do they know you’re asexual? Does that matter?!
I’d like to think it doesn’t matter, but I find out many times that it actually does matter.
Well, I’m not sure. I’m unfortunately not an expert. Perhaps the other person discounts your feelings and just assumes you couldn’t give them what they want? I’m still a person! Why do my feelings get discounted? I mean, that’s their choice if they want to do that and it’s your choice to decide how to react to it, I guess. In my case, I’d rather not make things weirder for my friends so I pretend like they haven’t just done me a great injustice and hurt my feelings. Working retail surely teaches you to smile through pain, am I right?
Is that what I should have to do?
Of course not. That person is important to you! They just don’t like you like that, it happens. Is it because you’re asexual? It could be. I should hope it’s not though, as I like to believe there’s more to relationships than how often you shag. I could be wrong though. Shagging doesn’t really help out in the later years in life, so maybe try to find someone you can talk to for hours instead. Is your best bet to find another asexual person? Yeah, probably. I’ve only met a few in my lifetime though, and most of them have been on the internet.
But here’s what I really want to make clear. Don’t let ANYONE discount your feelings. Especially if you’re offering them advice they came to you for (that happens more than it should). On other fronts if you like someone and they have kind of just thrown it in your face, then they’re rubbish. They can piss off! Or at least apologize.
Another sexuality post. Womp womp.
A problem I encounter frequently is people writing off my feelings or things I say because I don’t want to shag attractive people? Really? Hahaha. Okay.
Basically it’s like they’re saying, “you’re asexual, you couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to miss my S.O./be lonely.” Yeah, thanks bud. I couldn’t fathom that at all being not human and all. These are, by the way, HUMAN conditions, not mating humans specifically. Also fuck you, guy! I like people and get lonely. It just takes me longer to like them, and I like to think I’m independent.. That’s neither here nor there though. For now it’s only about human conditions… We could even stretch it further and say it encompasses more than just humans. Animals too miss their mates and feel lonely. So this person basically has written me out of being uhm.. A mammal now? Oh, also not a bird. With just a simple assumption that surely I couldn’t possibly understand, look at the implications that have been made! It’s almost comical.
It is comical.
These generalized sort of blanket assumptions are put on me relatively often. I don’t know why, as I’m obviously capable of deeper level thinking and emotions.
Well I had more to say on it, but I’m done thinking about it for the moment. I was watching Galavant and my anger sorta subsided, haha.
It’s been a while since I’ve updated, sorry. I was doing good on the daily thing too!
I went to the optometrist today because my glasses broke a few days ago. Thought I’d get some contacts finally to save myself from goggle doom in the warmer DR months.
I’m also going to order super ridic glasses for my hipster lifestyle from zenni optical lol.
The word of today is: accountability.
Which today is more about working out than anything else.
Recently my roommate, Mel and I had started doing Emily Skye’s 28-day ab shred, which I’m going to use to kickstart the 60-day Insanity nonsense.
Well, we started the day after Christmas, and we did it everyday until about new year, then we just kind of bummed around. I did a little here and there, but not much. So it’s been exactly a week, and well this bum mentality just isn’t going to do! See, I’m going to be moving to a new city soon, so I’ve got to get rid of things. New place, new friends (hopefully), new me!
So I’ve got to held responsible for what I eat, and to keep up with my fitness. I need an accountability buddy~. One who’s committed to it! Everyday like, “what’re you doing to work out today?” Or “what fitness did we do yesterday?” And so on, and so forth. I’m doing little changes with my diet with the help of my old friends men’s and women’s health magazines.
Let’s do this! ヾ(｀⌒´メ)ノ″
It hasn’t been very long that I’ve been open about my sexuality (or lack thereof), maybe 2-3 years. Before I’d make up different excuses to not put myself in a situation where dating was a thing. Why? Because dating lead to sex, and I was just completely uninterested.
But why was it easier for them to understand, “Oh, I’m a lesbian.” better than “If it’s all the same to you, I just really like being friends. Turns out I’m not sexually attracted to things, hah.
For a while I may have also been aromantic (not to be confused with someone who is romantic! It’s instead someone who doesn’t have romantic feelings for people). I’ve since learned that I’m not opposed to the idea (of throwing down with someone in a non-fight, haha.
anymore), but it will take some time and effort and I’m better off just telling people it wouldn’t work out.
So you just plan on being alone forever?
Seems that way, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t say it’s a plan though. In fact I get infatuated with people all the time! It’s becoming a problem, but I’m shy and pretend I don’t. Then I don’t act on it because I convince myself it’ll never work out, and maybe it won’t.. What’s the point of life if you don’t try to have meaningful connections with people?
Then you end up like me! Getting old with no life experiences. No one wants to end up like that. Least of all, me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just being pressured by societal norms though. Yes, I want someone to share experiences with, but in my head it’s never some intimate fantasy, haha. It’s more like, I want a friend to cook with and watch movies with and share dumb things with. Someone who wants to go places with me, or travel to distant countries with me. Not because it’s romantic, but because it’s fun! There’s so much history in places, and spiritual magic in others! And if we want to snuggle and kiss, that’s fine too. …this person doesn’t exist, do they?
I dunno man, I just feel there’s more to the world than societal norms and fornicating. Maybe that’s why I’m destined to be a crazy cat lady though.
Entry with more content to come later.
Wake up in the late afternoon! Haha. Well I woke up at around noon. Then I made cinnamon chip pancakes only to find out too late that I was out of eggs AND apple sauce. Sigh. They still turned out pretty good.
Then I watched movies with my room mate and discussed spirit animals with my friend lol.
I convinced my room mate to watch a movie just because it had Nicholas Cage in it though. And only two stars on Netflix?! We watched it immediately, haha. Hopefully I can make some vegetarian nachos for dinnarz. We’ll see how that goes. It’ll be today or tomorrow.
Pretty lazy day :3. Enjoyable day off.
This is important, and I’d like it to not get lost as I go about just writing short character stories so there.
On December 31st my friend Da and I journeyed up to Hutto to go to a party hosted by our mutual Dystopia Rising friend, J.
I got to hear much about his ladylove that he was going up to see, and I was glad for them. I also learned that people more in touch with their emotions than me make me a bit envious, but I suppose that’s why I’m a robot as far as others are concerned.
We got there just shortly after it started and chatted up the few guests. I spent the first 20 or so minutes fixing my makeup and when I came back they were already playing cards against humanity, haha. Ja had suggested it before it got too late just to get it out of the way. I watched for a little bit before a dog fight broke up everything (there were like 6 dogs at the party and only two of them lived there) and everyone dispersed to mingle.
It was a bad night for my drinks! Anytime I had any drink that was glass someone would knock it off the counter! It got to the point where I just switched to mixed drinks with a pout lol.
Mostly the night was spent in poor attempts to flirt with my friend (which was going all of no where as I suck), and snuggling everyone else. At one point I was laying on the couch and kept inviting people to lay with/on me lol. I did learn that I wasn’t the only asexual at the party and Je and me grew slightly closer as a result, I think.
Did I kiss anyone at midnight? No. Did I want to? Quite specifically- Yes, that’s why I went to the party… Lol. I did go cheek smooch on a bunch of people right after though. All in all it was a fun party. I stayed the night with some others and didn’t sleep at all :’D. This one bloke, JW was trying really hard to get a kiss from me. I’d only just met him that evening and I’m not about that life. I think I spent more time trying to convince him that I was a crazy Elder Gods worshipper, and it was a bad idea lol.
There’s more I could write about, but now that it’s already the third if doesn’t seem worth it, lol. So I’ll end this here!