Personal insight.

It hasn’t been very long that I’ve been open about my sexuality (or lack thereof), maybe 2-3 years. Before I’d make up different excuses to not put myself in a situation where dating was a thing. Why? Because dating lead to sex, and I was just completely uninterested.

But why was it easier for them to understand, “Oh, I’m a lesbian.” better than “If it’s all the same to you, I just really like being friends. Turns out I’m not sexually attracted to things, hah.
For a while I may have also been aromantic (not to be confused with someone who is romantic! It’s instead someone who doesn’t have romantic feelings for people). I’ve since learned that I’m not opposed to the idea (of throwing down with someone in a non-fight, haha. anymore), but it will take some time and effort and I’m better off just telling people it wouldn’t work out.

So you just plan on being alone forever?
Seems that way, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t say it’s a plan though. In fact I get infatuated with people all the time! It’s becoming a problem, but I’m shy and pretend I don’t. Then I don’t act on it because I convince myself it’ll never work out, and maybe it won’t.. What’s the point of life if you don’t try to have meaningful connections with people?

Then you end up like me! Getting old with no life experiences. No one wants to end up like that. Least of all, me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just being pressured by societal norms though. Yes, I want someone to share experiences with, but in my head it’s never some intimate fantasy, haha. It’s more like, I want a friend to cook with and watch movies with and share dumb things with. Someone who wants to go places with me, or travel to distant countries with me. Not because it’s romantic, but because it’s fun! There’s so much history in places, and spiritual magic in others! And if we want to snuggle and kiss, that’s fine too. …this person doesn’t exist, do they?
I dunno man, I just feel there’s more to the world than societal norms and fornicating. Maybe that’s why I’m destined to be a crazy cat lady though.

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